IT IS NEVER YOUR FAULT

If you are here because you or someone you care about is experiencing abuse, I’m deeply sorry. But I want you to know that just by being here, by seeking information, you are very brave and wonderful.

Abuse isn’t always physical and can be hard to identify sometimes. And other times, the victim can be made to feel responsible, shamed, or guilty. Even if you feel these things, and no matter what anyone says, it is never your fault. No matter what you’ve done, there is never justification for abuse.

Abuse can appear in any type of relationship, such as parent-child, sibling, friendships, romantic relationships. And it is always one person trying to have power and control over the other, be it physical, mental, emotional, neglectful, or a combination.

Signs of non-physical abuse include:

  • Intimidation (gestures, tone of voice, breaking things)
  • Threats (against themselves, the victim, or someone the victim cares about)
  • Insults (putting one down, name calling, humiliation, guilt)
  • Isolation (using jealousy or threats and insults to limit interactions with others)
  • Controlling choices (appearance, friends, where he/she goes, music choices, food choices, are a few examples)

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation when a person makes you doubt your own perception of reality, your memories, and even your sanity. 

To learn about gaslighting, click here and here.

To learn about different types of psychological abuse, click here.

If you’re not sure if you or someone you care about is being abused, click here and scroll down to find a checklist for emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.

Or click here for an interactive questionnaire. 

It’s so important to identify and put an end to abusive behavior. Not only does the victim feel awful, but it can lead to long-term substance abuse, self-harm, violence, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, lack of self-confidence, and PTSD.

Every time a victim is abused, their brain receives the message that they are worthless, and their thoughts and behaviors change to reflect this worthlessness. 

Abusive behaviour is often a learned behaviour, passed down generation after generation.  YOU can stop the pattern. 

Abusive behavior can also be a reflection of a mental health disorder or due to substance abuse. These people need help and there is help available to them if they choose. No matter how many times they apologize or promise to change, their behaviors are unacceptable, and it is their responsibility to make a choice to change their patterns. Not yours. You deserve to be treated lovingly and kindly, and you deserve to be happy.

Resources & Help